Happy Birthday Little One

WOW, I can't believe my little man is already "1". I had no clue what I was going to do with a boy, but all he had to do was look into my eyes and it didn't matter. Just when a mommy thinks she can not love anything more than her first child....that second one comes and it's like you grow two hearts. Brad and I have been so blessed with two wonderful, healthy, beautiful children. We got our girl and boy, so I do believe...or know....that we are done(sorry mom)! This morning when I woke up, I was running through my head what I was doing at this time last year. I knew the exact time I left for the hospital and the minute I went in for my c-section. Only a few of you know exactly what happened that evening, so I decided I would share today on Colton's birthday. The whole morning before my surgery I had uneasy feelings. You hate to think bad thoughts, but I just couldn't get them out of my head. I was extremely nervous, and I assumed it was just because I didn't know what to expect. I had a normal delivery with Raelee, but Colton was breech, so the whole c-section thing was terrifying. Right before my surgery mom kissed me bye, and I felt an uneasy feeling with her. I just thought she was nervous too. The surgery went fine and Colton was doing great. I was only in recovery about 30minutes and they sent me up to my room. A few hours after my surgery I spiked a temp and started getting really sick. I didn't feel like talking to all my visitors, but hey, I chalked it up to just having a baby. I started vomiting then bleeding like a stuffed pig. When I say bleeding, I mean a whole garbage bag full of bed linens and towels. The nurse came and checked me, then all of the sudden I was laying in a pool of blood. She immediately called for help and paged the closest doctor. I was a little disoriented, so really didn't know the extent. I just thought she needed help getting me changed. Brad had just left about an hour earlier to go home and stay with Raelee, and mom was staying with me. I remember the doctor trying to examine me and I glanced over at my mom and I knew it wasn't good. We both made eye contact and she had that "mother's worry" on her face. The nurses were checking my blood pressure and heart rate every two minutes and writing it on the dry erase board right in front of me. Needless to say, this was not helping my blood pressure! Mom called Brad and told him to get back to the hospital as soon as he could. Nurses and doctors were rushing in and out of the room with fresh towels and linens. At one point I remember the doctor literally on top of me pushing from my breast down with his forearm pushing all the blood out. Finally after a couple of hours they had it controlled. They ran some test, and started me on some meds. I was still running a temp and had lost ALOT of blood. They let us know that I was going to have to have a blood transfusion. Now, my firefighter husband freaked out at this point. The doctors assured him that it would be fine and we didn't have time to wait. I receive two units of blood and felt like a new person the next day. I don't even have any pictures of me and Colton from the hospital, because I was so swollen and pale from all of the fluids, and the last thing we were thinking about was pictures. I remember shaking uncontrollably at night so much that I couldn't even breast feed Colton. I think that was the worst part of everything. I felt like a failure as a mother, because I could not care for my own child. It took everything I had to call the nurse to come get him, because I didn't have the strength. Mom and Brad were so wonderful. I know it was hard on them both. One or the other was with me the whole time. I think about that night all of the time and how scary it was. I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind, but I just kept praying. I believe God put a peace over me and that's the only way I remained calm. The nurses were coming in the next day freaking out over how calm I was while they were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. It was total chaos, but I just laid there and stared at the ceiling and prayed. It's sad that it takes something so scary, but so quick to really make you wake up and realize what your life is about. I believe that night changed me, and I tell my kids all day long how much I love them. I never leave Brad or any of my family without kissing them and telling them I love them. I am so thankful for all of my friends and family for all of the prayers, food and everything you did for us the following weeks. My little Colton has been such a blessing and I love him more and more everyday. He is a true mommy's boy. Happy Birthday little one! I love you so much and I am so proud to be your mommy~MUAH~